oddly enough, US Politics, USA

An Ambigous Tour Of The Oval Office.

More people than usual are concerned about the quality of the administrational work done by elected officials these days. Domestic German examples abound and include the recent scandal surrounding the “world’s most advanced vehicle toll system”, which is so advanced it has to be protected by not deploying it; and, of course, by a 1700-pages contract that, with hindsight, should alarm Brussels because, to me, it looks like a bad example of how to grant hidden subventions to national industrial champions.

In the US, on top of all the credibility problems, the administration has to fight different, but equally embarrassing issues of quality management. With regard to the story of the day, a voodoo finance concept to save the (also demographically challenged) US social security (pension) system, Matthew Yglesias claims that the problem is inherent, that this Presidency is all about abiguity.

Note that the president’s habit of proposing not actual legislation, but rather vague “principles” that tell no one anything about anything is quite systemic. … People on the Hill have literally no idea what the president thinks about this or, really, any other issue. Apparently the White House staff doesn’t know either – the speechwriters just write stuff and the president says it and no one knows what anyone’s talking about.

I’ve always said that too many people are probably underestimating Mr Bush. And maybe that is still correct. But, then again, “maybe” may not be sufficient with respect to defining the political guidelines of the most important polity on the planet.

Let me invite you to the White House oval office for some first hand, apparently only slightly edited streaming evidence, provided by President Bush himself. It’s a document that is, in my opinion, rather illuminating about the character of his presidency. It is oscillating between moments of rather informed historic comment, Cowboy paintings and marvel Bushisms. It seems that indeed, the ambiguity we can witness on tv each day is not simply in policies or PR.

Seriously, what is one to think of a President who can in one moment rather precisely explain historical details and in the next moment go on to state that “these windows are magnificient – they let in the sunlight…” – in this strangely clumsy manner we had to witness so many times.

Well, I don’t know.

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oddly enough

It’s all the Jews. Or maybe not?

About two years ago, I attended a talk about the American National Missile Defence Initiative given by James Rubin, formerly Madelaine Albright’s spokesperson and recently a foreign policy advisor to the clintonesque but unsuccessful campaign of former NATO commander Wesley Clark. Mr. Rubin, who is Jewish himself, began said lecture with a sad, but still funny joke about two Jews sitting on a park bench in the Vienna ghetto, ca 1941.

One of them, he said, reading the last remaining local Jewish newspaper, the other one reading the SS’ newspaper. Eventually, the one reading the Jewish newspaper could not help but ask his neighbour why he was reading Nazi propaganda of all things? To that the other one replied – ‘see, my friend, your paper tells me we’re weak, desperate and about to be slaughtered. But in mine, we’re rich, decadent, ruling Hollywood and the world. Which one do you think makes the better reading in a place like this?’

Of course, there was no WLAN acces avbailable at the time, but if it had been, I suppose this would have been the second man’s homepage. For now, my gentle readers, it is official: the International Jewish Conspiracy has finally taken over the Internet and so we are finally provided with answers to all the questions we would have never thought of on our own.

Example? The mean international Jewish conspiracy has claimed responsibility for making the new Mini Cooper bigger than the old one so Germans would think they were shrinking. Eeeeevil. And – a truly shocking revelation – they provide evidence that the existence of Barbra Streisand (scroll down to ‘1942’) is owed to the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion, of which they now exclusively present a new and improved version! Oh, and they do have a disclaimer…

By the way, I’m writing yet another article about the new European anti-semitism discourse (as opposed to the new European anti-semitism) for ‘fistful‘. And even though I doubt INJEWCON is a European site, somehow I think it fits in nicely…

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almost a diary, photoblogging, self-referential

Helau! I’m Guilty.

I want you for Rosenmontag

But don’t call the cops just now, my gentle readers.

As a matter of fact, I’m guilty of a crime that is not part of any tort law in the known universe. And actually, most people probably wouldn’t consider it a crime but simply a fun weekend. However, sometimes, things aren’t as simple as the seem on the first glance… so, in a way, yes, I am a traitor.

I am from Mainz and I am going to Cologne this weekend to celebrate this year’s carnival with some friends from abroad. And in a way, this is really bad, as Mainz and Cologne enjoy a healthy competition when it comes to the question which town has the bigger Rhenish carnival tradition. And being part of one of these traditions is like being part of a ‘family business’ – you do remember The Godfather, don’t you?

Well, I’m not really afraid of a concrete funeral. But I do indeed feel a tiny little bit guilty about the prospective enjoyments within the “enemy’s” heart. So I’m going to make it up: I will certainly make an effort to convert Koelsch infidels to finally say “Helau” instead of “Alaaf”…

And you best believe it takes a man to do that ;)

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oddly enough

Mail from Mrs. Abacha. Again.

I have a friend who’s working in Nigeria for a European company like, say, P & G. After some difficult two years of learning by doing (and not dying while being robbed by a militant gang somewhere in the middle of nowhere) he has now come to the conclusion that Nigeria actually does have to offer more and, at least for him, even Lagos, the place he would not have wished on his worst enemy only two years ago now seems to hold a certain attraction, despite occasional ammunition depot explosions right next to his window.

However, whenever I proposed to pay him a visit he said, ‘listen, mate, no need to, really. Let’s meet in London when I’m on vacation. You can die a happy man without having ever been to this place.

Fair enough. So for me, as for millions of others, igeria will remain a country struck and progressively torn apart by the discovery of Oil, Religion, Ethnic strife. And, of course, a country widely known for its Industry of “419” spam, the reason for this post, and – although not all spammers are from Nigeria or even use Nigerian aliases in their emails – something the Nigerian government is embarrassed about and has accordingly promised to eradicate, most recently at this year’s World Economic Forum in Davos.

The notorious “419” spam asks people to advance money to a person identified in an email (or fax) in order to receive a much larger sum for their help in the safe transfer of embezzled money to some offshore account. It’s obviously not the kind of industry people have in mind when they speak about economically empowering Africa.

But for all efforts, this kind of spam is going to be around for a while. That’s actually not too hard to predict, as there are only two major reasons for this spam to exist anyway: Greed and Stupidity. Both vices have reportedly been a steady companion of humanity, so it’s hard to believe any verbal or even actual efforts on the part of the Nigerian government are going to eradicate the incentives for this kind of crime. Nor are the continuous efforts of Dutch police.

Of course, the victim’s stupidity can never be a justification for a crime. But it helps a lot in explaining it, don’t you think? I mean, who, if weren’t for greed having switched off any remnants of a rationality, who would buy into an offer like the following? Annotated for your reading pleasure… [Oh wait, let’s make this foolproof… NOTE: THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS ARE A QUOTE FROM A 419 NIGERIAN SPAM EMAIL. ONLY FOR DOCUMENTATION! THIS IS NOT A REAL PROPOSITION!]

Dear Friend,

[“friend”? Oh look, you don’t remember my name but, hey, you want to entrust me with $52 million. That sounds like really serious offer, c’mon…?]

I am HAJIYA MARYAM ABACHA, wife of the late Nigeria Head of State,

[ah, thanks, now I remember. Yeah, didn’t we have a great time after your husband’s funeral… But as you know, I’m ‘friends’ with the wives of so many military strongmen I usually tend to forget them after a while. No offence…]

General Sanni Abacha who died on the 8th of June, 1998

[now that’s a lot of detail to back up your story, and if it weren’t for the BBC I would have almost believed you…]

while still on active duty. l am contacting you in view of the fact that we will be of great assistance to each other’s likeness developing a cordial relationship.

[and I almost thought you meant ‘friend’ when you said friend…]

I currently have within my reach the sum of FIFTY TWO MILLION US Dollars (US$52,000,000.00)

[thanks for the verification and your trust, but as you’ll certainly remember I’m not that good with the digits. So don’t be mad if I lose a zero somewhere along the line…]

cash which l intend to use for investment, like Real Estate Development or import/export business specifically in your country.

[Oh, now I’m a little disappointed Hajiya, you don’t remember my name, and now you don’t even remember where I come from. Now I think I might start sulking…]

…

NB: Because of the security being mounted on the members of my family, l have decided that this transaction be kept in utmost secrecy, remember to include your private Telephone or fax number for easy communication.

[You lost my number – again??? Can’t you be a little more responsible with these things. Now I’m going to get enourmous amounts of stupid spam…]

You can also contact my trusted friend and family attorney, barrister Richard Lithuli and is email address is lithulirichard1@justice.com

[Wow, and you do have a fake email address. That’s so great. You know what? I do, too. But I’m not sharing ;)]

Update – Just saw that Brad DeLong also has a recent 419 Spam post. It’s called “419 Spam as Literary Art”. Alas, my little oeuvre above does not fit this category… have a look.

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Allgemein

Digital Pricing.

I really wonder what the Economist and some other notable print media outlets have in mind when they set their pricing strategy for online pay-as-you-go access?


If you have a look at this Economist login page, a single article sells for $2,95. At the next better news stand I can get the entire print issue for € 4,70. Then I have access to all the information and not just this single article. I understand that I won’t get it until tomorrow morning and that I won’t be able to digitally manipulate the content (which I am not allowed to republish anyway) and there is a slighly smaller risk of digital piracy as scanning and OCR would be needed to get the article back on a screen.


But even assuming that the Economist would follow an absurdly counterproductive strategy of “risk” pricing – punishing people for buying instead of stealing (like the record companies do with enourmous success), this is an insanely high relative price. I understand that selling individual articles is problematic and bundling them is a large part of what makes the industry economically viable. So people who only want a piece at a time are not exactly ideal customers. But ideal or not – who can be choosy about money these days and – they could be customers!

But if someone doesn’t want to buy a subscription to either an online publication or a printed one, an overpriced single item is not going to make them want to. And neither are they likely to spend half the price of 120 pages on one and a half of them.


This is a wondrous world indeed.

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quicklink, Science

Corporate Social Responsibility

Talk about Corporate Social Responsibility. Not that I don’t think big business often deserves a slap for it’s behavior in struggling economies, but when the opposite is true, it also deserves to be mentioned: Reuters reports that

“German auto makers with assembly plants in South Africa are spending “big money” on antiretroviral drugs, treatment and education to combat HIV/AIDS among their workforces. Car maker DaimlerChrysler South Africa spends approximately $420,000 each year to offer antiretroviral treatment to its HIV-positive employees, who make up an estimated 9% of the company’s total workforce. Mike Folan, human resources manager for DCSA, said, “We decided on giving antiretroviral drugs to our employees because of the government’s policy at the time. It (the government) wasn’t providing antiretroviral therapy.” An estimated 6% of Volkswagen South Africa’s employees are HIV-positive, and the company operates a program similar to DCSA’s with an annual budget of about $420,000. Gustav Meyer of the Department of Trade and Industry said, “Several of the motor vehicle assemblers in South Africa have indicated a willingness to increase the outreach of these programs. We are aiming to rollout the HIV/AIDS programs by the vehicle assemblers to the supplier base as well as the community. This will maximize the impact of efforts against HIV/AIDS” (Mutikani, Reuters, 1/22). “

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media

Happy Birthday. And Godspeed.

What did Baz Luhrman sing back in 1999? “… in twenty years from now, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.”

Well, actually, today’s birthday kid, the Apple MacIntosh has been holding up pretty well despite having seen some stormy weather.

Age wise, people are far more likely to suffer from malign geriatric symptoms. I guess that’s why it’s probably a good thing that most of the “Friends” will finally move out the Central Perk an get on with their lives. Now their fans will finally have time to think of their own future on Tursday evenings. Well, maybe…

The last episode was shot on Friday under heightenend security to avoid plot leaks. But guess what – as CNN reports naively, entirely disregarding the incentives of strategic PR – “if Washington can leak, so can Hollywood.”

So what’s it all about? In the end, it seems like it’s Ross and Rachel, and twins for Chandler and Monica, no word about Phoebe but Joey will get his shot to become the friends’ “Frasier”. His spin-off “Joey” will initially get the Friends slot on NBC next autumn. I’m not sure about Joey “How you doin'” Tribbiani’s ability to carry an entire show, especially since his roel in friends was far more prominent than Frasier’s in “Cheers”. But then again, what else could Matt LeBlanc ever play again???

Oh wait, he could play Joey in the next part of “Charlie’s Angels”

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almost a diary, oddly enough, Science

The Rose Wars or The End Of Vegetarianism.

I’m still laughing at the thought of half of my female friends’ denial to eat anything but chemically engineered, synthetic food…

Why would they do that, you ask?

Well, it’s simple enough. They are vegetarians – some more, some less. But about half of the women I know (while hardly any men) voluntarily renounce to eating meat on a regular basis. Some claim to do it “because it’s healthier”, but whatever they say, in most cases it is fairly obvious that it is only the thought of personal responsibility for the suffering and eventual death of a creature with a nervous system that was only bred to be eaten which prevents them from enjoying this particular form of carnal pleasure.

There are some exceptions – I call them “fashion vegetarians” – to this rather fundamental rule, but to the benefit of all lobsters on this planet “nothing-with-a-face” aesthetic discrimination is actually rare these days. It’s just too un-pc.

On the other hand, the days of politically correct foodstuffs may be over for good. The Three-Toed Sloth calls our attention to a recently published study which presents “Evidence for complex, collective dynamics and emergent, distributed computation in plants“.

In other words, some scientists claim that plants can think.

So how long do you think will it take until we will see the first starved Vegetarians? Until men will be considered compassionate for forgetting to bring flowers for a date? Until we will see naked models fighting rose wars in front of flower shops, demonstrating for the rights of plants?

I don’t know. And probably this will never happen. But just the thought of my vegetarian friends being forced to decide between spacefood or starvation was worth writing this entry.

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Allgemein

Ich bin ein Berliner

Happy belated new year, my gentle readers.

Ah, don’t we all know that German is a difficult langue to master. Of course, for some, those born German, it’s a little bit easier than for all others. But, incidentally, not everybody can be as lucky. And in turn, it is hardly surprising that a significant number of non-native speakers who tempted their fate by attempting to learn their language of choice, remarked, as did Mark Twain, that German should be classified among the dead languages, because only the dead have enough time to learn it.


Strangely though, Mr. Clemens was clever enough to find out about the most bizarre idiosyncrasies after spending onlya couple of weeks in Heidelberg, if I am informed correctly.


But it is not only the German language as such that spells trouble for English speakers. Sometimes, mere city names can become the essence of a joke that will go around for decades.


You will probably guess what I am referring to. It is, of course, President Kennedy’s famous Cold War address in Berlin in which he, actually in correct German, stated – “I am a Berliner”. A sentence that can mean both “I am a citizen of Berlin” and “I am a jelly doughnut” (actually, I think the jelly is optional in a ‘Berliner’).


It’s not that anyone in Berlin would not have understood what Kennedy was referring to. But I guess – after having been told about the awful German language – some people in the American delegation were quite happy that the wall had been erected in Berlin, not in Vienna – for those in doubt, the German name for Vienna is Wien, the inhabitants of Wien are usually referred to as “Wiener”…


Why that, why tonight? For no obvious reasons. But a few days ago, Brad Delong quoted the speech. And he started a lenghty discussion about German grammar and jelly doughnuts. You can find the entry here.

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